01 Where Will Miss Pickett Go?

Dear Diary,

Today, I learnt that adults have things they do to help pass time and give them something to do. Sometimes it is called a job, and sometimes it is called chores, and sometimes it is called a hobby. Some are rewarding, some tire you out, and some are things nobody wants to do. My parents had always said that when I am older, I will be able to make my own decisions about who I am and what I will do. But today is the first day I knew what those words meant. I know who I am now and what things I do for fun, but who will I be in the future? And what will I spend my time doing? It feels like a new world has opened up! I have a future, and I get to decide what it is!

02 Possibilities Become Anxieties

Dear Diary,

The more I think of it, the more paralysed I feel. What if I decide something now that I will regret later? There may be some truths I may not learn for years, but what if I come to regret something that I don’t know about now, that I could already learn about at my age? What if a path that on the surface appears to be something I would not enjoy, could end up being something I would greatly look forward to. And what if I get so bogged down in trying to find my best path, I end up doing nothing at all?

I feel truly stuck. And yet, I feel all I need is to take a leap in any direction, and I would immediately know how to land up on my feet.

03 Research!

Dear Diary,

I figured the best way to learn about anything I don’t already know about is to go to the library. So today, I went to the library. I ventured past my usual spot in the children’s section, and went to go see what else there is. I browsed the science fiction and fantasy sections, before realising that maybe what’s in these books isn’t the best reference to use for real life. Though I still am interested in becoming an elf mage, if possible. I went and found books on secret spies, detectives, and criminals, but I was feeling unwell just reading the backs of the books. I found a section for romance books, but one of the librarians said I shouldn’t read those just yet. I felt I had seen everything in the library, and none of it had really helped me learn about what’s out there. Then I remembered learning about the Non-Fiction part of the library.

There, I found books about animals, science, art, and even foreign countries. There was even a section for children in the Non-Fiction part of the library. This was great, as there were books clearly made for adults, with long names I would not even try to pronounce. I read all about the African Elephant and the Rhinoceros Beetle. I looked through How-To-Draw guides and did my best. I read about the ancients Aztec’s and all their gods. There was so much there to read, and I didn’t even know it existed! I always knew there was a big world out there, but I never knew how truly big it was!

04 A Day at the Fairgrounds

Dear Diary,

I asked my parents if we could go to the fairgrounds when we went to go visit Uncle John for the weekend. Surprisingly, they agreed. My parents didn’t seem too keen for it at first, but things changed once we reached the fairground! There were games lined up for anybody to try! I tried some of them, before remembering why I wanted to go in the first place. We found an artist that was doing portraits of people. I thought he was skilled, until I saw how he drew my face. Dad said he does that to everyone, but it still felt like he picked on me. There were paintings of some beautiful scenery, and a man that was offering lessons that go for an hour. I wanted to try, but mum said it was more for grown-ups. Still, watching him effortlessly paint something as a demonstration was fun to watch. There were musicians at different spots in the fairgrounds, and I would stop to listen to each of them in awe. At one point, a circus troupe came to the central square, and did acrobatics and tightrope walking!

I never knew there were so many forms of art and entertainment! I mean, I knew, but I didn’t really know. There were a lot of people helping to run the fairgrounds today, all doing different kinds of things. I was really interested in the paintings, and how a near blank canvas can become something so lifelike so quickly. I asked mum if we could go to a place with lots of paintings. She did say she would take me, but probably not for a few weeks. The circus troupe was incredible to watch, but I don’t think I can do what they do. I felt a bit nauseous just watching them. It was a great day at the fairgrounds, and it’s given me a lot to think about.

05 Seeing My First Laboratory

Dear Diary,

The day after going to the fairgrounds, Uncle John said he had to go to the laboratory to pick something up. Everyone was surprised when I volunteered to go with him. He was only meant to be in and out in a few minutes, but he got caught up in big discussion that started about funding, then changed to research methods, before being about one of their coworkers who they didn’t like very much, before going back to speaking about funding again. At least, that’s what I heard before I wandered off and decided to take a look through the science labs. I didn’t understand the name for the type of science Uncle John did, but he said it was basically about life. He says it’s about life? I walked for 45 minutes, and I saw no life in those labs! I saw rows and rows of little bowls with different coloured-specks on them, little plastic boxes filled with nothing, and large tanks that just had a few plants in it. Nearly every scientist I saw was either reading or writing in a notepad, or hunched over microscopes. I had no idea what scientists actually did, but it looks like it’s just what we do in school. Uncle John described it as thorough, and I think I can see that. It looks so peaceful and calm. I can imagine it being rewarding, and even exciting! That is, once you get rid of the teacher.

06 A Brief Stop by a Farm

Dear Diary,

My parent’s care broke down in the middle of nowhere, on our way back from Uncle John’s. Dad said we passed a farm maybe a few kilometres ago, and he was going to go back to get some help. Mum was worn out, and said she was going to read a book and maybe take a nap. There wasn’t anything for me at the car, so I decided to go for a stroll. Before long, I saw some animals up ahead. There were cows, sheep, and even some horses. They were just calmly eating some grass. I sat down and watched them. I watched them for about three hours, but it didn’t feel like it. I was surprised when dad later told me that’s how long he took. I knew it was time to go when I heard the farmer’s vehicle drive past, going to our broken down car.

It is a curious feeling, here I am trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up, and turns out I’m content doing nothing! I don’t think I should do nothing all of the time, but it is nice to do it sometimes.

07 The Long Bus Ride to the City

Dear Diary,

Mum and Dad finally found a way for me to go into the city. It was a win for everybody, as I get to see the city which I feel helps me make a better decision, and mum and dad get to have me stop pestering them about letting me go to the city. It required careful planning, as my Aunt Diane was spending time there already for her job, but I didn’t have anybody to take me there. As luck would have it, one of my dad’s friends was going to catch a bus into the city, and he would deliver me to Aunt Diane.

Once we boarded the bus, my dad’s friend just took a book from his briefcase and started reading. He didn’t want to speak to me. Which was fine, as I got to watch the city grow larger and larger through the bus window. The closer we got to the city, the more people would board, making it nearly full by the time we reached the city. It was a long trip, but I felt it would be worth it.

08 The Big City

Dear Diary,

Aunt Diane met me at the bus terminal, in between her hectic appointments for the day. She would take me to different parts of the city where her appointments were, and leave me to my own devices in these busy offices. I was allowed to wander a short distance, lest I become lost and would not be able to find my way back. Still, what I could see so close to these offices was enough.

It felt a large machine with multiple unattached cogs all spinning as fast as they could, waiting for the occasional moments they were to be reattached to the main machine so they could keep the other cogs going. It all made my head spin, and I wasn’t sure if I could ever get used to all this bustle & hustle. The offices were more than I could handle at that moment, but the city at large was a different matter. There were beautiful flourishes of architectural ingenuity everywhere I looked, something which was so standard to the people walking near them they no longer looked at them. The energy was electric, everyone had somewhere to be, and the most they could schedule themselves for a time they weren’t needed elsewhere was but a few minutes. Once Aunt Diane’s appointments were finished, she took me on a guided tour of what I still hadn’t seen.

Before I knew it, it started to get dark. I didn’t want to stop exploring, though. The people had become more polite and gained a sense of playfulness. The lights lit up the streets and the sides of the buildings, casting the city itself into a new sight to behold. The city was alive with the sounds of laughter and joy, and I got to be here to witness it all. Aunt Diane showed me the sights for another hour or two, but then she insisted I come back otherwise I would be too worn out for the trip home. I came back to her unit, but I could still hear the sounds of the city far below my bedroom window. I couldn’t sleep with all that excitement happening so close. I stayed up listening to everything, until I became too tired to listen anymore. I slept before the city did.

09 The Drive Out of the Big City

Dear Diary,

I only got to spend a few days in the city, but it was something I’ll never forget! And it was a place I never wanted to leave. Aunt Diane said it took an hour just for her to get me to get into her car. Once I did get in her car though, I got to see a new side of the city I had never seen before. It was traffic! The city felt so different from this angle, almost like it was made specifically made to be seen from the car. We would stop. Then start. Then stop before I realised we had started. Then remain stopped when I thought we should have gone. Only to then start but go slower than what I thought we should be going. I didn’t like all the stopping, but it did get better the farther we went. Soon, we were driving through streets of spread out houses with their large lawns and trees. Soon after that, we were driving through the middle of nowhere. It wasn’t until Aunt Diane pointed out how peaceful everything is now that we got away from the city, did I realise how quickly we went from a place full of people and excitement, to a place that had no one but the trees. It was still fun, though. I rarely get to for long drives through the countryside.

10 The Journey to Nowhere

Dear Diary,

Aunt Diane said she was going to visit some friends before she took me home, and that it would only take a few hours. She doesn’t usually visit them as they live so far away from everybody else, but they were kind of on the way. She said they were older, and there is nobody around my age, but she said there were some cubby houses around the place that she remembers from when she was younger. They had old comics, and lots of toys. She said I could do what I want when we get there.

But I didn’t feel like reading comics or playing with toys. I had a decision to make, and I wanted to make it sooner, rather than later. I figured a few hours to myself would be the perfect time to make it. Aunt Diane was taking me to where I would be making the most important decision of my life.

11 A Moment in Nature’s Garden

Dear Diary,

After Aunt Diane reunited with her friends, I was promptly kicked out of the house. I was going to make a very important decision, but where would I make it? Surely I would need to find a good stop to make a good decision. Somewhere calm, maybe? The wind is nice, and watching the tall grass sway is good, but I felt I needed something more. Eventually, I found it. There was a small creek, and with it, the sound of running water. I sat down next to the creek, and tried to think like I had never thunk before.

12 The Decision

Dear Diary,

I thought my mind was start racing once I was ready to make a decision, but it was just blank. I didn’t even know where to start. There were just no thoughts, except the thought that there should be thoughts taking place. I was stuck on what I would want to do in the future, but I kept thinking to myself “who will I be in the future?” Instead, I started to focus on things that would make me happy now. At first, I was imagining what I would be doing for most of my life, in the end I was happy just thinking of what I could be doing in a few months time. In the past few weeks, I had seen a circus performance, visited a farm, seen artists create beautiful work right in front of me, walked through a laboratory, read about things I never knew existed, and seen all the excitement in the city. I want to do more of all of these things, and many more!

I think to do these things, I would need specific goals. I need to make life happen, and I will make it happen.

13 Looking Back at What Else Could Have Been

Dear Diary,

I am confident with my decision, but I still can’t help but wonder who else I may have become if I decided something else. I may be young, but I can see that life pulls us in different directions, and it is only when we decide to take a leap into the unknown do we find out who we are in that moment, and who can become. My decision today will lead me to say “no” to many opportunities, in the hope that I can say “yes” to the right ones. I do feel sadness, as I will never learn who else I may be. But I know I will only feel this for a few moments, as I look forward to seeing who I will become.

14 The Pleasant Path of Miss Pickett

Dear Diary,

I intended to make my decision today on what I would do and who I would become. I did make a decision, but I also did realise that this decision is not set in stone. Who knows how I may feel in a month’s time, let alone several years! I had been so focused on choosing a path that I lost sight that of the fact that I don’t need to decide anything just yet! I have found new appreciation for science, artistic expression, and those that live closer to Mother Nature. I have new interests about things I didn’t even know about even just a few weeks ago! I thought I had to make a decision now so I could work towards a goal. But nobody can force their path through life. All I can do is enjoy it.